I’m going to go on several limbs, and I don’t mean to offend out here, but I’m going to say what I see. I bestow on him the right to have me be the object of his desire, and I delight in his desire. I changed the tagline of my blog this year, to “Welcome to the Revolution.” So I might as well be clear about the revolution to which you’re welcome.We live in a world that is dominated by long-term, stable, mono-amorous romantic/sexual relationships. And yet we do not leverage actual trans people in romantically/sexually, long-term, stable, mono-amorous, satisfying relationships as a part of the war on the cotton ceiling – most of the people I know, Mock aside, who have much to say about this are way outside of this space. I’m not in the business of telling anyone to whom they should be attracted – not even Teri. There are lots of revolutions, actually, but with respect to being trans, I’m reminded of a comment Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said about being feminist – she had to clarify that she’s a – sometimes I even look really hot (and even less frequently, I actually believe this about myself).However, my queerness is not a moving target – I am still queer.In actuality, my sexual orientation was not a moving target, either.There is a tendency of sexually fluid people (whether bisexually identified or not), interestingly, to impose the assumption of their experience on other people – for instance, by saying something like, “It’s the heart that matters, the plumbing will take care of itself.” It’s not always so simple, for all of us.Of course it’s the heart that matters, but we don’t all experience our attraction in an “I’m attracted to the person” kind of way – that’s one sexual orientation amongst many.So it’s not all about the plumbing (in the sense of the stories that spend all their time talking “sex change” surgeries), but the physical/chemical attraction is also not always irrelevant.My situation, also, I suppose, is a little different than Tina’s situation (as Alice sees it) on .
Here, I make a distinction with some of my friends.
And it’s a great example of how few safe spaces there are to have a constructive conversation about the sexuality of mono-amorous, relationship-oriented, yet proudly sexual trans people.
There recently was a blow-up over there (I’ll check and see if Teri left the group again – yep, he did) related to who, how, and when a person could be attracted to a trans body (like mine).
I responded on Facebook that the biggest thing I could do to fight the cotton ceiling was to openly and authentically be in love with Teri – to be, in the public eye, the subject and object of love, and the object of physical desire*****. And I’m here to tell you it isn’t (and if you don’t believe me, ask my boyfriend).
My body is lovely, not because I’m “almost” as good as a “real” girl, but because I’m better than any other girl Teri’s ever going to find (because I’m the the other night – is it okay if I say that? I like to look hot – and my friends are benefitted by me with the right to appreciate it.
I am taking no easy road out of anything (although, arguably, when I tell the car dealer I can’t make a decision, because “I have to go home and ask my boyfriend for advice,” I may be treading some fine line).