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Of course, there will be times when a task must be completed in a certain fashion (homework, etc.).However, many times we force kids to do something the “right way”, when it could have been done in several ways.Choose whether the other person really needs to know about the issue, and if yes, let the child decide who will tell them.“Do you choose to tell (Mom) what happened, or choose for me to tell her with you there to make sure that I explain it correctly?First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you.Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.Train yourself to acknowledge their behavior without a judgment, such as “You chose to sit the other way on the chair” or “You colored the grass purple instead”.

However, they may be more likely to hone in on issues more quickly, using whatever intuitive skills they have.By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.You can always rephrase the sentence from a negative to a positive, which will correct the behavior without sounding critical.Train yourself to say what you want them to do instead of what you don’t. Notice the common element is starting with the word “you” and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.

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